Movies to which we can but say, "Leave me alone Baldrick. If I'd wanted to talk to a vegetable I would've bought one at a market."
RED TAILS - as if more evidence was needed of why George Lucas should be kept the hell away from all movies for his safety and our own. Oh yes, HAN SHOT FIRST.
EXTREMELY LOUD & INCREDIBLY CLOSE - containing the most irritating and offensive character and conceit since Jar Jar Binks in the Star Wars prequel trilogy.
THE IRON LADY - The Lady deserved better than this caricature impression dressed up as a drama.
ANNA KARENINA - I almost enjoyed how badly cast the theatre metaphor was, as it confirmed my long-held opinion that Joe Wright is the most over-rated director of all time, beginning with ATONEMENT and continuing ad nauseam.
SEEKING A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD - in which Keira Knightley plays a manic pixie dreamgirl and fails horribly. Even Steve Carrell's innate charm can't save it.
LIBERAL ARTS - smug privileged white kids kvetch about how tough life is because, no shit, getting an English Lit degree from a second-rate college does NOT make you employable. Also why I hate Lena Dunham and GIRLS. Seriously, people, nobody cares. Now go learn some math and get a job in accounting like the rest of us.
TAKE THIS WALTZ - most unsexy sex scenes of all time. And yes, that includes all fiction written by former MPs.
And finally, the disappointments. Movies that weren't terrible but weren't as great as we were hoping given their pedigree:
DARK SHADOWS - awesome cast, production design. Still can't quite figure out why it wasn't full of camp hilarity.
PROMETHEUS - convoluted nonsensical script. Damon Lindelof, go and sit in the corner and think VERY carefully about what you've done.
COSMPOLIS - David Cronenberg disappears up his own arse. Could've been a great indictment of Wall Street. Was just pretentious wank.
THE DARK KNIGHT - much like the Duracell bunny, it went on and on and on and on and eighteen million nonsensical plot happenings later nothing half as cool as The Joker had hit our screens.
RUST & BONE, AMOUR, BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD - all fine but overhyped.