THE ARCHIES**

Zoya Akhtar's Indian adaptation of the Archie comics is a strange beast.  One assumes that these comics are aimed at kids, and apparently they were very popular in India in the sixties. But why then do we have a film that seems neither aimed at kids nor at adults?  On the one hand, we have pantomime villains and heroes and an entirely sexless love triangle. On the other hand, Akhtar is trying to say something about the unique position of the Anglo-Indian community in a post-Independence India. None of it hangs together.  The film might have been saved by wonderfully catchy songs, but the songs are trite and unmemorable with bizarrely statically shot dance sequences.  And as for the performances..... Much has been made of the fact that Zoya Akhtar (herself a "nepo baby") cast three scions of major Hollywood dynasties in lead roles. Archie himself is played by Agastya Nanda, grandson of Amitabh Bachchan, and his love interests are played by Suhana, daughter of Shah Rukh, Khan and Khushi, daughter of Bonny, Kapoor.  None of them can act (yet?) but if I had to rank them, Khushi seems to have the most talent, followed by Suhana then Agastya. Maybe it's just the thin characterisation giving them nothing to do.

So what is there to like about this film? I genuinely liked the prologue where we get the history of the Anglo-Indian community and something of their culture. This isn't something we ever see in mainstream Indian cinema.  I liked the production design and beautiful rendering of the interiors. I felt a sense of place in Riverdale and its central Green Park and independent stores, and peril that this would be demolished to make way for a mall. In other words, I liked the background, but not the plot or action.

THE ARCHIES has a running time of 141 minutes. It was released on Netflix last December.

Random DVD Round-Up 2 - LAKSHYA / PURPOSE

Farhan Akhtar's first film was the light-hearted but realistic romantic comedy DIL CHAHTA HAI. He returned in 2004 with an altogether different film - LAKSHYA. The film follows a young spoiled man (Hrithik Roshan) who has no motivation or purpose in life, much to the annoyance of his family and his politically aware girlfriend (Preity Zinta.) He joins the army, quits, but is shamed into returning. Inspired by his commanding officer and acquiring a new sense of patriotism he ends up fighting in the notorious Kargill incident.

LAKSHYA deserves praise on many fronts. First, the hero and heroine are fully-rounded characters that show real development as the movie progresses. Preity Zinta has the chance to portray a strong, independent, modern woman - a chance that is all too rare in Bollywood. She gives a good natural performance. But the stand out is Hrithik Roshan as the hero. He makes the transition from love-able fool to man of integrity believable. Added to that, he performs one of the stand-out pieces of dance in modern Hindi cinema - the award-winning routine to the song Main Aisa Kyun Hoon. I was watching a Shah Rukh Khan movie recently just after watching Lakshya and realised just how far ahead of the other Bollywood heroes Hrithik Roshan is. Some actors can dance okay - some actors can act really well (not least Saif Ali Khan) - but few combine the two skills.

LAKSHYA is also a great technical achievement for Hindi cinema. The film-makers seem to have paid a lot of attention to the mechanics of the battle and DP Christopher Popp uses awesome crane shots to depict the mountainous terrain of Kashmir. The Indo-Pakistani border has never looked so magnificent. But what's really great is that the cinematography isn't just there to look pretty but to make a point about the strategic importance of the hill that Hrithik's troops are trying to retake.

Perhaps the only possible criticism of this film is that it is definitely trying to inspire patriotism and some might find that a little manipulative or xenophobic. However, I believe that LAKSHYA stays firmly on the right side of the line between patriotism and jingoism. It's certainly a lot less bombastic than the bloated J P Datta epic, LOC KARGILL.

LAKSHYA was released in 2004 and is available on DVD.

DON (2006) - laughable

If Quentin Tarantino directed an old-school Bollywood action thriller, it would be like the original 1970s version of DON. That DON is a humungously popular flick starring Amitabh Bachchan and Helen. It has a kitsch sound-track, insane sunglasses and crazy-ass fight scenes. Seriously, if DEATH PROOF has you hooked, you should check DON out. Teasers and expos can be found here.

This 2006 remake is a different beast. It's caught between a desire to be all things hi-tech and a guilty love of all things 70s and naff. So we have polished stunts and glossy back-drops - namely Paris and Kuala Lumpur. But we also have disco-tastic outfits and dance sequences. The overall effect is as bizarre as the lead character's penchant for knitted ties and heavily patterned rayon shirts.

What's the plot? Director Farhan Akhtar remains faithful to his father's original script bar one crucial plot twist. As in the original, Don is a high-powered gangster being chased down by a vengeful hot chick and a wily copper. The hot chick infiltrates Don's organisation and soon becomes his trusted number two. Meanwhile, the wily copper has substituted a doppelganger street-kid for the real Don, in order to gain all of the organisation's secrets. Oh yes, and as this is a Bollywood flick, there is a regulation-cute street-urchin to tug at the heart strings.

So follows a lot of nonsense. Shah Rukh Khan is convincing as the street-smart doppelganger, but utterly unconvincing as a hard-as-nails gangster. Priyanka Chopra and Kareeena Kapoor are under-used in the female roles. Arjun Rampal is surprisingly okay in a smaller role but it is, once again, the multi-talented Boman Irani as the wily coppper, who gives the most credible performance. The tech package is decent but the 70s pastiche songs from Shankar Mahadevan are woeful.

In other words, the only real merit to this re-make is the unintended comedy. To wit, comedy gold like:

Don: I should've listened to what mother used to say...
other: What did your mother say?
Don: When I didn't listen to what she said, how can I tell you?

And the idiotic brilliance of a character who always refers to himself in the third person:
Don: Don's enemy's biggest mistake is that he's Don's enemy.
Don: People don't leave Don but the world instead...

DON went on cinematic release in October 2006 and is now available on DVD.