Londn Film Fest Day 10 - BAD LIEUTENANT: PORT OF CALL NEW ORLEANS

Werner Herzog's remake of the 1992 Harvey Keitel flick BAD LIEUTENANT is insane. Herzog is basically inviting us to join with his actors in laughing at the crime thriller genre. To say that the performances are hammy, or that the direction is off-the-wall, doesn't even begin to capture it. Problem is, with everything subordinated to a cheap laugh, there's nothing to hold our attention for the two hour run-time.

The original flick was directed by Abel Ferrara. It was a gritty, sleazy exploitation film about a New York cop strung out on drugs and booze, investigating the rape of a nun, whose forgiveness of her attacker, the cop can't understand. It was down and dirty, sure, but it was serious, after its own fashion. I was expecting a similar tone to this remake. After all, the new flick is written by William Finkelstein, whose credits include NYPD Blue, Law & Order and Murder One. But no.

Nic Cage stars as a corrupt cop, self-medicating for back pain with smack and crack he hustles from people he's taking down. His girlfriend (Eva Mendes) is a hooker, he's running up serious gambling debts, and he's trying to bring down a local drug baron for executing a Senegalese pusher and his family. The cop claims that there's no limit to what you can achieve when you concentrate, which is like a kind of insane joke at the centre of the film. Because just when the cop should be interrogating someone, or investigating a crime scene, Herzog decides to spend a few minutes in extreme close-ups of iguanas set to a hammy version of "Please release me". In one shot, you can actually see Cage in the background cracking up. By the time Cage's character is ruffling the feathers of a "connected" client of his hooker girlfriend in Biloxi, the movie has truly jumped the shark into "just for laughs" territory. I mean, you can admire Herzog's insanity all you like, but what really is the difference between this flick and SNAKES ON A PLANE?

Some reviewers are going to try and sell you the idea that this movie is so ludicrous it's brilliant. Nope. If this were directed by anyone other than Herzog, they'd be calling it an over-long pastiche B-movie and giving it one star. Don't believe the hype.

BAD LIEUTENANT: PORT OF NEW ORLEANS played Venice, Telluride, Toronto and London 2009. It opened this autumn in Italy, Greece and Israel. It opens on November 6th in Romania, on November 20th in the US, on December 2nd in Belgium, on January 8th in Sweden, on January 15th in Germany, the Netherlands and Austria, and on March 3rd in France.

FELON - thoughtful prison drama, but lacking in real bite

Veteran stunt director Ric Roman Waugh has turned writer-director with FELON, a thoughtful prison drama based on a true story, that lacks momentum in the first two thirds and then dissolves into melodrama in the final third. Despite good location work in New Mexico and fine performances from Stephen Dorff and Val Kilmer, the movie never quite coheres. Dorff plays a successful businessman and husband imprisoned after killing a home intruder, and transferred to maximum security on a false accusation. A shared respect for family leads to a relationship with the older, cannier criminal played by Kilmer in a dude like goatee and replete with colourful tatoos. The crims are victimised by corrupt police, yada, yada, but it never quite captures the peril and cruelty of SHAWSHANK. And, as I said, the final third degenerates and the overall effect that is "meh". Unsurprisingly, this went straight to DVD outside of the US.

FELON was released in the US in summer 2008 and went straight to DVD everywhere else.

THE LOVE GURU - not quite good enough

Here's the thing. I don't find dick and fart jokes particularly funny. (This isn't judgmental - just a a matter of taste). Nor do I find comedians putting on ethnic accents at the cutting edge of humour: Peter Sellars had that down decades ago. Having said all that, I love WAYNE'S WORLD and the first AUSTIN POWERS movie. They were such warm-hearted joyful pastiches of genre-movies, I could overlook the occasional crude joke. Mike Myers' latest movie, THE LOVE GURU, tilts the balance firmly in favour of the crude and away from the thoughtful spoof. That's fine and if you like that kind of humour, as many of the people in the cinema I was in last night did, you'll have a really good times. The litmus test is this: is the idea of two lychees wrapped in pastry to look like balls funny to you? If so, go forth and enjoy!

If you don't find that funny, as I didn't, is there enough in this film to keep you satisfied? My answer is wishy-washy. I can't say I'd want to watch THE LOVE GURU again, and I did cringe every time Ben Kingsley portrayed a cross-eyed Indian guru. (Has Ganndhi come to this?!) The running joke using Marishka Hargitay's name may not play in the UK and Justin Timberlake is definitely worth more than his cameo as a camp Quebecois hockey player. And the scene where the trainee gurus joust with urine covered mops was truly tragic.

But there are a handful of genuine laughs in this movie, and I had an okay time with it. The basic idea is that Mike Myers is a LA based celebrity Guru, always striving to be bigger than Deepak Chopra. If Guru Pitka can reunite an ice-hockey star and his wife in time to restore his game and win the championship, the Guru will appear on Oprah securing his position as number one Guru. Pitka has a bunch of risible self-help techniques, signified by trade-marked acronyms, and the titles of all his books ARE funny. The early sight gag of the motorised cushion is also brilliant. I even liked the Bollywood song-and-dance number spoofs with Jessica Alba.

Still, as funny as the soft spoofery was, I couldn't help but think that THE LOVE GURU would've worked better as a SNL sketch. And, if truth be told, the funniest thing in it IS like a SNL sketch - Stephen Colbert's satire on sports commentators was sharper and edgier than anything Myers brought to the table.

THE LOVE GURU was released earlier this year in the USA, Australia and Israel. It is currently on release in Iceland, Italu and the UK. It opens later in August in Singapore, Sweden, Finland, Norway and Turkey. It opens in September in Belgium, the Netherlands, Venezuela and France. It opens in October in France, Germany, Austria and Spain.

DEJA VU - if CSI were a movie

DEJA VU is a Jerry Bruckheimer produced film. That means you get a very slick, polished entertainment package with not a faint echo of his hit show CSI. DEJA VU is also helmed by Tony Scott. This means you get the glossy look of a hi-spend ad campaign coupled with incessantly roving camera-work - it's all camera pans, helicopter shots and hi-def explosions. Combined, we get one of the most pollished but emotionally manipulative opening sequences of a movie that I can remember. With practically no dialogue the camera swoops over a ferry in New Orleans on a sunny Mardi Gras. The ferry is filled with bouncing babies with blonde curls, smiling beautiful yuppie couples and US navy men in shining white uniform. The Beach Boys - the band of sun-kissed all-american happy summers - are playing on a car radio. You don't get more patriotic or Hallmark card than that. And then we get the terrorist explosion. Scott doesn't hold back from depicting quasi-9/11 images. We have soldiers on fire jumping into the water.

And then we segue to Denzel Washington doing his trademark schtick. He just oozes integrity and to see him - an ATF officer - scouting the crime scene - is to feel his righteous indignation. He is a good man. The movie then does around 30 minutes CSI work where Denzel's character realises that to solve the terrorist attack the FBI (headed up by Val Kilmer) will have to solve the murder of an attractive local woman. These thirty minutes are entertaining in much the same way as CSI - and as a guage to whether you'll like the movie, ask yourself whether you still get cheap thrills from seeing an officer with tweezers and a plastic baggie.

The next thirty minutes are a little more dull. Denzel and Val use a cool "live feed" surveillance mechanism that gives a one-time view of a limited radius 4 days ago to watch. They pretty much sit around watching the murdered woman. Denzel falls in love. It's all a little pedestrian. The writers create an obstacle - the limited radius of the feed - which forces Denzel into a sup'ed-up hummer to track the baddie - thus providing the audience with a satisfyingly gnarly car chase to break the boredom.

The next twenty minutes or so see Denzel force the FBI into a confession that this is not so much a video feed as a means of actually interacting with the past. He uses this feature to track the terrorist and bring him to justice. Here lies the natural end of an above-average crime procedural with the added boost of a discretely used sci-fi doo-dad.

Sadly, the film does NOT end here but continues in an end sequence that was designed to provide an emotional payoff. Problem is that it tips us over the line of willing suspension of disbelief regarding the time-gadget and opens up a variety of plot problems to do with different time-lines and whatnot. It's a great shame. What could have been a rather subversive thriller becomes an emotionally over-loaded, structural mess. Still, if you just walk out of the cinema after Jim Caviezel's big scene, you'll have had 90 minutes of pure popcorn entertainment.

DEJA VU is already on release in the US, Canada, Mexico, Egypt, Brazil, Spain, Venezuala, Thailand, Indonesia, Greece, Israel, Singapore, Latvia, Belgium, France, Switzerland, the Netherlands, Iceland, Italy and the UK. It opens in Sweden, Hungary, Estonia, Finland, Ireland and New Zealand on the 22nd and in Denmark, Norwar, Germany, Austria and the Czech Republic over Christmas. It opens in Chile, Hong Kong, Poland and Turkey on January 5th and in Argentina on the 11th. It finally rolls into Australia on January 18th and Japan on March 24th.

KISS KISS BANG BANG - Val Kilmer is GOOD!

Quick review: Perfect disposable Friday night movie - fast cars, small guns, hot chicks, some of which are dead, but at least one is wearing a Santa outfit. Go see it! 

Longer review: Robert Downey Junior plays a thief who runs into a Hollywood audition to escape the cops, and is whisked off to cool LA parties. The producer of the movie is never actually going to hire him, but is trying to scare Colin Farrell, the first choice for the role, into dropping his price tag by a couple of mil. Of course, Robert Downey Junior thinks he genuinely has a shot at the role, and has to shadow a real life Private Detective, "Gay Perry" (yes, Roman, he is, in fact, gay) to prepare for his movie role. Gay Perry is played by Val Kilmer, in his best performance since playing Jim Morrison in The Doors - admittedly not a high benchmark. The trio of protagonists is completed by Robert Downey Junior's old flame from school who just happens to be an out-of-work actress addicted to detective fiction. Cue lots of fast cars, small guns hidden in amusing places, hot chicks, some of whom are dead and have horrible hair-dos. There is also a little bit of (comedy) electrocution. 

The movie was written and directed by the guy (Shane Black) who wrote the Lethal Weapon movies, and that pisspoor Arnie movie, The Last Action Hero. Here he delivers a slick, laugh-out-loud-funny movie that satirises a whole bunch of Hollywood genres at once: film noir, the buddy cop movie, James Bond movies, good old-fashioned farce and all those oh-so-clever post-modern Sundance movies where the protagonist starts talking to you and doing weird shit with the narrative structure. ("Adaptation", anyone?) 

Clearly you're not gonna remember it the day after you see it, but it will make you laugh. And anyone who saw the Crime against Comedy that was The Wedding Crashers will be grateful for any studio movie that can still raise a chuckle on a Friday night. Is this as funny as Doogie Howser MD? Heck, no. Are you gonna get a bigger laugh in pre-Oscar season? Unlikely. It's a toss up between this and Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit. Either way, the dog gets it. 

Nationwide release in the UK and US on the 11th November 2005; apparently it is already out in Germany, which I find kind of hard to believe, insofar as if there is a centre to this universe it is undoubtedly in Zone One, but what do I know....