The new Indy movie sucks so bad, I've not even seen it, and I know it sucks.
It was so bad that Bina007, our intrepid movie reviewer and huge Indy fan, couldn't make it through the whole movie. In fact, she was so upset about Crystal Skull's rape of her childhood that she couldn't bring herself to write the review.
So she called me, described how bad it was, and asked me to warn you all. So you've been warned - while the acting was passable, and the script was okay, the whole concept lurched from unspeakably boring to painfully unrealistic Spiderman-3-styley.
If you're a fan of Indiana Jones, don't go see it. It's an execrable effort that is not deserving of the franchise.
Even if you're not a fan, and have a tenner spare, you'd be better just leaving your cash on the street and walking away. A beggar might make good use of it. Or they might just buy a quart of vodka. Either way, it'll be money better spent than a ticket for Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
Nikolai, on behalf of Bina007