THE JUDGE

So I suppose when you earn shedloads of cash for a major studio as Iron Man, you get to create whichever vanity project you like.  And for Robert Downey Junior, it's this polished but ultimately overlong and unexciting thriller, THE JUDGE.  The self-consciously quality product start RDJ as a flash lawyer in a mid-life crisis who returns to his home town, where his cranky dad, the titular judge, is suspected for a hit-and-run murder. Naturally, the super-smart son, John Grisham-like in his smarmy brilliance, reconnects with his estranged father through the medium of sun-dappled flashbacks with trite piano music. There are two points when I thought the movie would pick up its pace and intensity. The first is when Grace Zabriskie, famous to Lynch fans as the hysterical mother of Laura Palmer, turns up as the enraged mother of the victim. At the point, the movie had the chance to do something new and off the charts, but no. The second point was when Billy Bob Thornton turned up as the prosecutor.  But not this was just high polish high profile stunt casting, and BBT just phoned his performance in.  So here's where the movie jumps the shark. About an hour in, the mid-life crisis lawyer meets his old flame, the wonderful Vera Farming, and she turns out to be the mum of the teenage waitress (Leighton Meester) he just banged.  It's not just that this is a cheesy and skeezy plot line but that it shows a complete lack of directorial judgment on the part of David Dobkin (THE WEDDING CRASHERS). Why try so hard to make a sleek, serious courtroom drama and then just kill its tone with a cheap and awkward gag?  The only ONLY time I've ever seen a successful and funny courtroom drama was MY COUSIN VINNY and this ain't that.

THE JUDGE has a running time of 141 minutes and is rated R.  The film is on global release.

PARKLAND - LFF 2013 - Day Nine

I'm the wrong person to give an objective review of Peter Landesman's JFK assassination drama, PARKLAND.  I'm a self confessed conspiracy nut, who went to Dealey Plaza a year ago and followed that visit up by reading Vincent Bugliosi's mammoth and scrupulously researched doorstop book, "Reclaiming history: The Assassination of JFK".  It's a hardback book so thick it reaches the same height as a litre tub of Haagen Dazs and that doesn't include the CD Rom of notes.  If you haven't heard of Bugliosi, he's the criminal lawyer that prosecuted the Manson family.  His book is born of passion and professionalism.  He thoroughly debunks all conspiracy theories about JFK, defends the Warren Commission report, and is scandalised at how the tragedy has been exploited and sullied by nefarious scandal mongers and publicity seekers.  It totally changed my view on the assassination and if you have a year to spare (!) I thoroughly recommend reading it.  This movie is based on what is basically the first chapter of that book: a scrupulously detailed account of the facts of what happened on the fateful day of the assassination up to the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald.  (It was also published as a separate and shorter book, "Four Days In September".) Naturally, when I realised it was being turned into a movie, and that in addition, that movie was being filmed by a first time director who was an actual proper journalist who shared my and Vincent Bugliosi's mission to reclaim the historical narrative, I was all over it.

Yes, it's fair to say that PARKLAND was the movie I was most excited about at this festival, and I wasn't disappointed.  To say that I loved it doesn't quite capture how I felt.  As we saw the presidential motorcade drive into Dealey plaza, I literally shivered.  When I saw Paul Giamatti's Abraham Zapruder plead with the editor of Life magazine not to publish the "kill shot" to preserve JFK's dignity, I cried.  When I saw the quiet decency of James Badge Dale's Robert Oswald, I was filled with empathy.  When I saw the selfish greed of Jackie Weaver's Marguerite Oswald, I felt physically sick.  I admired greatly Landesman's decision not to show the assassination itself, or indeed the Zapruder tape, but rather to show us the visceral reactions to it.  He held up to his promise of stripping away the conspiracies to restore the emotion at the heart of the story.  There was nothing salacious, or   prurient.  Even Jackie Kennedy's grief was handled with dignity.  It's as if the film-makers were trying to give her the privacy she deserved.  

As a technical feat, the film is a marvel, seamlessly blending in archive footage with the recreations.  There's a particularly beautiful and moving scene in which we see the Zapruder tape reflected in Abraham Zapruder's glasses, but can see through to Giamatti's eyes, shocked, devastated. The use of handheld cameras gives us a sense of immediacy, chaos, fear. And centring the film on Parkland is a stroke of narrative genius. It's in that humble hospital that both JFK and Oswald were treated - the bookends of the film.  They were treated by the same junior doctors, played by Colin Hanks and Zach Efron, and the stoic nurse played by Marcia Gay Harden.  There are two very powerful symmetric scenes that show empty trauma theatres, blood on the floor, remnants of chaos.  There's a point being made about death the great leveller.  

Like I said, I'm the wrong person to give an objective review of this movie.  I passionately believe in the project to reclaim the assassination from the conspiracy nuts: to centre it in procedural fact and real emotion.  I think Peter Landesman's movie has done this with a surety of purpose and complexity of style that is impressive.  And I hope the non fanatics will  benefit from that experience as much as I did. 

PARKLAND has a running time of 93 minutes and is rated PG-13.  

PARKLAND played Venice, Toronto and London 2013 and is already on released in the USA. It will be released in the UK on November 22nd - the fiftieth anniversary of the assassination.

EAGLE EYE - slick vacuous paranoid thriller

EAGLE EYE is a very slick, not undiverting action movie with a plot to so ludicrous* you could stick a cherry on top and call it Sarah Palin. Two normal people, played by Shia LaBeouf and Michelle Monaghan, are plucked out of obscurity by a sinister female voice on the end of a cellphone who seems to be able to control any IT system in America. Naturally, the fuzz, in the form of Billy Bob Thornton and Rosario Dawson, are also chasing after our heros, in a movie that splices by NORTH BY NORTHWEST with 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY and ends up some way south of both of them. There are some flashy stunts and car chases and a suitably paranoid thriller element in which the very systems designed to keep us safe turn against it. As a basic guide, if you enjoyed WANTED or HITMAN you'll probably enjoy EAGLE EYE, but don't expect something of the same quality as DISTURBIA.

EAGLE EYE is on release in the US, Argentina, Australia, Chile, Hong Kong, Peru, Thailand, Brazil, Canada, Colombia, Mexico, Panama, the Philippines, Venezuela, Belgium, Singapore, the Czech Republic, Greece, Hungary, Russia, Denmark, Finland, Sweden, Turkey, Germany, the Netherlands, Portugal, Slovakia, South Korea, Austria, Estonia, Spain, Egypt, Indonesia, Kuwait, India, the UK and Japan. It opens next weekend in Iceland and Norway. It opens on December 24th in France and on January 2nd in Japan.

*Seriously. *SPOILER* Would an artificial intelligence so powerful it could control every network need to coerce two dumbass civilians anyways?

Best of 2007 and worst of 2008?

Sorry folks! No Best Of lists till I've seen the much-lauded NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, SWEENEY TOOD and the latest Paul Thomas Anderson flicks (all first/second week of Jan.) However, in true Grinch like fashion I will shortly be posting my Ten Most Piss-Poor Flicks of 07 list and also the 10 Most Spine Tinglingly Awesome Scenes list.

Looking forward to 2008, I hear that Madonna, who I would gladly try for crimes against cinema, has had her debut directorial effort selected for Berlin 2008. This is depressing news. Try as I might to be free from prejudice, probability suggests that this is not going to be a work of artistic genius. Which leaves us with the suspicion that the Berlin programmers have succumbed to the need for publicity. Poor show from one of the world's premier film festivals.

MR WOODCOCK is a big shiny formica coffee-table of nothingness

MR WOODCOCK is a really mediocre comedy. Note that it's not actively piss-poor. It doesn't try hard enough to fail that spectacularly. It's all shiny surfaces and slick production and low on genuine belly-laughs. Billy Bob Thornton does his usual schtick as the eponymous mean, angry sonofabitch. Back in the day, he tortured a kid called John Farley. Years later Farley (Seann William Scott) is a successful author of self-help books and returns home to pick up a prestigious prize. Much to his horror, not only is the bullying Woodcock being feted as the "Educator of the Year", he's also dating Farley's mum. Farley and his best mate (Ethan Suplee) try to frame Woodcock as an adulterous bastard, but basically the son and the lover have to agree to disagree and keep Susan Sarandon's long-suffering Mrs F sweet. Billy Bob is on auto-pilot. Sarandon and Suplee are way too good for this nonsense. And Seann William Scott needs to graduate to proper rom-com roles. This movie, sadly, is too obviously filmed and written by newbies who have yet to get a clue.

MR WOODCOCK is on release in the UK and USA. It inflicts itself upon Singapore on October 11th; on Iceland on November 2nd; on Finland on November 30th; on Turkey on December 28th; on Argentina on January 3rd and on the Netherlands on February 14th.

SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS - weaker than Vanilla Ice

SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS is a weak romantic-comedy remake of the classic 1960s Brit flick. (Younger viewers might see a little of ANGER MANAGEMENT in the setup.) It stars Jon Heder (NAPOLEON DYNAMITE) as a doofus loser called Roger who signs up for an empowerment class with swindler, sleazebag and all-round geezer, Doctor P, played by Billy Bob Thornton. When Roger starts to do too well in class, Doctor P steals his girlfriend just because he can, challenging Roger to step up to the plate and take her back. So follows some lame-ass plot resolutions involving a cameo from Ben Stiller - whose plot line is left hanging in mid-air. Shorn of his afro, Jon Heder raises no laughs in this under-written comedy. The few laugh-out-loud moments largely consist of Billy Bob Thornton calling someone or other a "dumbass". There's another smart line about Moby. But call me an old stick in the mud - I just don't find jokes about rape that funny.

Maybe, just maybe, if you are a big enough fan of Thornton you could check this out on DVD, but frankly, the hundred and twelfth viewing of BAD SANTA is going to be a lot more worthwhile. I am astounded that this film is directed by the same director who brought us OLD SCHOOL.

P.S. Sarah Silverman fans should not be fooled by the posters - her part is small and her talent utterly wasted here.

SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS was released in the US, the Philippines, Thailand, Greece and Russia last year. It opened in Singapore, Latvia, Turkey and Estonia earlier this year. It is currently playing in the UK and opens in Iceland on March 2nd, Australia on March 22nd and in France on July 4th. SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS was released on Region 1 DVD last week.

Christmas movies suck, but egg nog makes it all better

Today, we take a break from normal programming as Bina007 finds herself unable to sit through another saccharine, manipulative, pile of poo Christmas movie. Christmas movies suck and if you don't believe me try watching the god-awful Susan Sarandon flick, Noel, or the even worse Arnie vehicle, Jingle All the Way, without vomiting over the kid sitting next to you.

However, I am all about Christmas, and in an attempt to redress the balance, here is my recipe for highly toxic Egg Nog. Not only is it guaranteed to make you feel super-happy, if you are forced to watch some disgusting festive movie starring Ben Affleck, at least you won't remember any of it the next day.

Take 4 eggs and split the whites from the yolks. Whisk the whites till stiff. Whisk the yolks with half a cup of sugar. Fold the yolks into the whites along with 1 1/2 cups milk and half a cup of double cream. Finally fold in a cup of rum and a cup of brandy . Sprinkle with nutmeg

This should make 8 cups if you are sharing with friends or enough to get you paralytic enough to watch The Sound of Music for the seven hundredth time.

Share and Enjoy! (Ideally while watching the anti-Christmas movie, BAD SANTA, released last week on Region 2 DVD.)