HUSTLERS

HUSTLERS is THE BIG SHORT for working class women - a film about what happens when people dependent on the trickle-down effect of boom-era money turn desperate in the post-Lehman Brothers economy. It stars CRAZY RICH ASIANS' Constance Wu as naive Destiny, who is schooled in the art of making phat cash through stripping by smart, cynical Ramona (Jennifer Lopez).  The game is to target uber-wealthy Wall Street bankers and flatter and twerk them into spending big.  Then the crash happens.  Destiny tries marriage and motherhood but comes crawling back to New York and Ramona. Only this time they have to pro-actively fish for their prey - luring in men from bars with the promise of the night of their life. And when that proves irksomely slow-going, drugging them, stealing their credit cards, and threatening them with blackmail if they go to the police.  This being a morality tale, it isn't that easy, especially when Ramona starts taking chances of her accomplices and clientele.  But the provocative question this films asks is how far the women really deserve to be punished when the people they are ripping off already ripped off the entire economy?

The result is a film that is smart and thoughtful alongside it's dazzling dance numbers featuring an absurdly athletic J-Lo. In a performance to match her best, she and her colleagues show us the truth about stripping. Indeed, the first ten minutes of this film is one of the most depressing I've ever seen. And then we get a star-studded cameo of girls in a dressing room discussing the absurd expectations men who date strippers have - made all the more real by the fact that Cardi B used to be a stripper.  It's rare to see such an unflinching female-centric movie at all. And even more rare to have that truthfulness play out amidst enough glitz and glamour to leaven its political agenda. Nicely done, all involved. 

HUSTLERS is rated R and has a running time of 110 minutes. It played Toronto 2019 and was released last year. It is now available to rent and own. 

HOME

HOME is a lovely children's animated movie - funny, beautifully imagined and with a lovely message.  It has received mixed reviews and I really don't get it - I had a wonderful time watching this film.

The movie stars THE BIG BANG THEORY's Jim Parsons as another misfit alien struggling to relate to normal humans(!) - an alien called Oh.  Oh is a Boov - and his species has invaded Earth, fleeing the evil Gorg, and put resettled all humans in Australia. All humans except a young girl called Tip (Rihanna), who was saved from resettlement when her pet cat fooled the detector beams.  Oh is sweet and naive and prone to mistakes, like when he mistakenly emails the entirely galaxy inviting them to his housewarming, including the evil Gorg. As a result both he and Tip are fugitives, and team up for a joint adventure as she tries to find her mum.  On the way, we see two supposedly warring people get to know each other and a bond of true friendship form. 

I really love Jim Parsons, and I think your tolerance for Oh, and his Yoda'd syntax will depend on whether you find his super-expressive speech funny. I also thought Rihanna did a great job acting as Tip, although the Rihanna heavy sound-track got wearing after a while. But the real voice star is Steve Martin, who I haven't seen/heard for YEARS as the cowardly and impetuous Boov leader. Great to have him back.  Ultimately though, the true delight in this film is its visual imagination. The idea that Oh could modify Tip's car with all the machines in a 7-11 so that it's powered by slushies and spits out nachos and popcorn as weapons.  I love how the Boov change colour to show emotion and the sheer cute plasticity of them. And the final twist, though slightly predictable, is so sweetly imagined that I couldn't help but love it.

So, overall, a good old-fashioned warmly funny, earnest children's comedy adventure.  There's no post-modern cynicism here. Just a good old-fashioned belief in friendship and family.

HOME has a running time of 94 minutes and is rated PG.   The movie is on global release.

Kevin Smith retrospective - JERSEY GIRL (2004) - in which Kevin Smith proves he can direct a movie as banal as any mainstream rom-com offering

JERSEY GIRL is a travesty - a movie in which hard-edged indie film-maker Kevin Smith jumps the shark with a movie as schmaltzy, formulaic and manipulative as the worst of the romantic-comedy genre. And no, the fact that his hero and heroine meet-cute over video-porn does not mitigate the BOMF trite denouement in which the hero has to choose between a big-shot job in New York and attending his daughter's school play. Liv Tyler's soft-spoken dead-pan certainly suits the merciful, porn-researching new girlfriend but Ben Affleck is typically wooden as the newly widowed single dad. Raquel Castro is fine as the kid, and George Carlin is heavily sanitised as her grandfather in this mainstream release. The only good thing about this movie, and I doubt I'm the first to say it, is that Jennifer Lopez' character dies in the first fifteen minutes.

JERSEY GIRL was released in and is available on DVD.

Random DVD Round-Up 2 - MONSTER IN LAW

MONSTER IN LAW is a deeply unfunny, painfully badly written rom-com rip-off of MEET THE PARENTS, from director of the infinitely better LEGALLY BLONDE. J-Lo stars a sweet girl who meets-cute with a sweet doctor (the anodyne Michael Vartan). They get engaged to the horror of his Barbara-Walters-like mega-successful mother, played by Jane Fonda. Coming back to the big screen with this role will go down as one of Fonda's biggest career mistakes. It's amazing to me that a woman who has been so politically engaged, and given such outstanding performances, would make such a shockingly banal film, playing such as two-dimensional character, so badly. Her character schemes against J-Lo's character. J-Lo's character schemes back. And then there's a ridiculous and unbelievable final scene where everyone gets mushy.

Pure cinema trash.

MONSTER IN LAW was released in summer 2005. It is available on DVD.

Movies I won't be watching this weekend

Over this side of the pond, we have this little thing called the World Cup which means that my attentions have been diverted to supporting England and trouncing all-comers in the Metro Fantasy Football League. However, here are a few movies that I would NOT watch this weekend even if I were at liberty to do so. I know it is unethical to review movies you haven’t seen but seriously, it’s a racing certainty that the following will suck ass:

AN UNFINISHED LIFE: Helmer Lasse Hallstrom specialises in these saccharine sub-Ron Howard weepies. In this case we have J-Lo showing her range as a single mother who runs away from an abusive boyfriend. She seeks refuge with her father-in-law, played by Robert Redford. The Redford character blames the J-Lo character for his son’s death and has isolated himself from the world. However, he does have his trusty side-kick – Morgan Freeman – who once again trots out his tired act as the sage, wizened best friend. You know how this plot is going to unwind even before you step into the cinema. The young grand-daughter is going to revive Redford’s passion for life. He will come to form a relationship with his daughter-in-law. All things will be well. I have no doubt that this flick will be well-acted, well-shot and suitably lyrical. But seriously, what is the point of another movie that rolls off the head and heart like glycerine?

THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT. Believe me when I say that I am all about beautiful people driving around in fast cars. However, there is something a little bit hokey in the producers restaging the same move for the third time but in Japan just to cash in on the supposed cool-ness of the youth scene there. Indeed, I suspect that this flick is the cinematic equivalent of Gwen Stefani. Moreover, I also suspect that this flick falls into the same category as DOOM. Blowing shit up is fun, but I’d much rather do it myself. So, instead of wasting 100 minutes on TOKYO DRIFT, I faithfully promise all my readers to devote 100 minutes to playing Gran Turismo. Nice.

IMAGINE ME AND YOU: If I see another lame attempt to rip-off the success of FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL I may have to kill myself. People seem to think that any British romantic-comedy featuring well-heeled Londoners in morning dress will be a guaranteed hit: never mind bothering to do anything so obvious as to write an actual joke. The latest spin on the formula is to make the love interest Sapphic and I certainly applaud the fact that we can now have homosexual storylines as the central plot-line in main-stream comedies. However, I suspect that novelty aside, this movie will turn out to be another unfunny, unexciting damp squib.

Anyways, what do I know? Literally nothing as I have not seen these three films. If you’ve seen them and would recommend them, let me know.