Monday, January 30, 2006

THE RAZZIES - It's official: Seventies remakes DO suck!

With lots of portentious and pretentious movies receiving awards from the great and good (read rich and powerful) of cinema, it is time to savour the best of all the award shows: THE RAZZIES. The Razzies are the inverse of the Oscars for two reasons. First, they highlight the worst, rather than the best, of 2005. Second, unlike the Oscars, the Razzies usually get it right. How can we forget the Oscars tragedy of Goodfellas losing to Dances with Wolves in 1990, Pulp Fiction losing to Forrest Gump in 1994, let alone the wonderful LA Confidential losing the frickin' Titanic in 1997. So, I give a lot of repsect to the RAZZIES, not least because they seem to share by fear and loathing of seventies remakes. Moreover, the Razzies' tagline is "cremating cinematic crap for 25 years!" So, here are the nominees, with, for what it's worth, the movie or person I think *should* win in bold:

WORST FILM: Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo; Dirty Love; Dukes of Hazzard; House of Wax; Son of the Mask.

WORST ACTOR: Rob Schneider, Deuce Bigalow; Will Ferrell, Kicking and Screaming and Bewitched; The Rock, Doom; Jamie Kennedy, Son of the Mask; Tom Cruise, War of the Worlds.

WORST ACTRESS: Jessica Alba, Into the Blue and Fantastic Four; Tara Reid, Alone in the Dark; Jennifer Lopez, Monster-in-Law; Jenny McCarthy, Dirty Love; Hillary Duff in Cheaper by the Dozen and The Perfect Man.

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Hayden Christensen, Star Wars III; Eugene Levy, Cheaper by the Dozen 2 and The Man; Burt Reynolds, The Dukes of Hazzard and The Longest Yard; Alan Cumming and Bob Hoskins, Son of the Mask.

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Jessica Simpson, The Dukes of Hazzard; Carmen Electra, Dirty Love; Paris Hilton, House of Wax; Ashlee Simpson, Undiscovered; Katie Holmes, Batman Begins.

WORST DIRECTOR: Jay Chandrasehar, The Dukes of Hazzard; Nora Ephron, Bewitched; John Asher, Dirty Lovel Uwe Boll, Alone in the Dark; Lawrence Guterman, Son of the Mask.
WORST SCREENPLAY: Deuce Bigalow; Bewitched; Dirty Love; The Dukes of Hazzard; Son of the Mask.

Worst remake or sequel: Deuce Bigalow; Bewitched; The Dukes of Hazzard; House of Wax; Son of the Mask.

Most tiresome tabloid targets: Tom Cruise, anti-psychiatry rant; Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes, Oprah's couch, The Eiffel Tower, "Tom's baby"; Paris Hilton passim; Ashlee Simpson, Jessica Simpson and Nich Lachey, The Simpsons, Ashlee and Jessica and Nick; Britney Spears & Kevin Federline passim.

Worst screen couple: Rob Schneider and his diapers in Deuce Bigalow; Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman in Bewitched; Jenny McCarthy and "anyone dumb enough to befriend or date her" in Dirty Love; Jessica Simpson and her "daisy dukes" in The Dukes of Hazzard; Jamie Kennedy and "anybody stuck sharing the screen with him" in Son of the Mask.

The results of THE RAZZIES are announced on March 4th

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